It is 12:37am eastern standard as I write this, overwhelmed, tantalized with excitement replaying the most provocative proposition uttered by my roommate on New Years Day: I’d love your help upgrading my wardrobe, he said completely sober, completely serious, completely aware just how much I love dressing and change and a well thought out ensemble.

I’m wet just thinking about this project. This is my Olympics.

My earliest memory with clothing dates back to the summer of 2003. Subject to the myth that a school year cannot commence without first securing new clothes, I asked my dad to take me…


When me and my boyfriend broke up in June just two weeks after my birthday, I felt empowered. Now, two weeks into November, with the sun setting at 4:50pm, I feel cold.

I’ve long understood the final quarter of the year to be dubbed cuffing season because most people want to be cuffed during the holidays; either for gifts, family, or image maintenance. …


When I matched with Michigan in 2018 I was halfway in the closet, and still very much in a cult. I never told him, but he was my first official date with a man. My prior experiences with men were confined to cars, bedrooms I’d never return to, gym saunas, gym showers, and bar bathrooms.

I didn’t know what a gay date looked like — or any date with anyone outside of my then-religion — so I arranged for us to meet at one of the few bars I knew in New York, Draught 55, a Midtown bar I’d frequented…


I matched with Ballet Boy on Tinder in 2019. He was one of my first dates following my break up with Curtain Call, and my first date with a Black man period. Shortly before we met, I realized how easy I made it for White men on dating apps. If there was an attraction, I swiped right. With Black men, I was more critical; using attraction, height, masculinity, education, and career as filters to gauge their viability as a partner — the toxicity.

Why am I so hard on Black men?

I didn’t have an answer at first [and thankfully…


I was sold on Emily in Paris by the premise alone. Paris, career-focused dramedies, and Lily Collins’ eyebrows are among my favorite things on this Earth. Even as I write this I’m wondering if Lily’s been featured on VOGUE’s Beauty Secrets, so I’ll finally know how much of those brows are genetics vs. product.

Despite my fledged adoration of Lily, two episodes into Emily I felt strongly that she was miscast. Watching her float in and out of Parisian cafes, her office, apartment, and strangers’ beds was an entertaining-enough ten hours, but I wanted something more. …


On September 8th @MrBeastYT tweeted, How did we all get so addicted to this app? I bet 90% of you reading this couldn’t quit using Twitter for a month if you tried. A big fan of challenges, I impulsively alerted my 900+ followers that I’d be going on a 30-day Twitter break, for no reason other than needing to accomplish something apart from getting my work inbox down to zero.

On my cleanse — by chance, or the condition of having more time with my thoughts — I realized I don’t like my job, industry, or adjacent industries. I’m quite…

Cole Habersham

tw/ig @cashmeretote | brooklyn ny

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